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Methane can also explode, therefore we need to regulate people's asses; everything that comes out must be registered.
Remember last Chinese New Year, a little boy was killed in a deadly toilet methane gas explosion, ignited by a firecracker? That's our Travon Martin right there, we can use his death to push for more laws.
We will regulate them with BATFA (Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and assholes), who will issue you a serial number, after passing a national cavity check. The serial number will then be branded on your left butt cheek and signed by local law enforcement. Shitting is only allowed once a day (once every 5 days in California, and the caliber of the feces shall not exceed 0.5") at a licensed collector. In New York, you must wipe, get up and sit back down every 7 seconds. In Washington DC, shitting is currently banned, so everyone in DC is full of shit. |
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